this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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