...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
