ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize