wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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