Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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