Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
