Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
