she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
