Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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