i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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