and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
