have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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