The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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