It was confusing and full of hummus
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize