woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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