HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
