Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
