went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
