i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
