Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
