I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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