Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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