Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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