I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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