i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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