JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
