things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
