Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
