My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
