VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
