So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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