I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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