And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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