he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
