are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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