So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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