Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
