Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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