I wanna bring you to show and tell
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
