masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
