I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
