Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
