I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
