what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
