how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
