yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
