Porn is love you can see.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
