Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Please don't give away my fajitas
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
