I'm going to jail i love you
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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