If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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