sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
