Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
