I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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