yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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