Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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