I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize