The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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