oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
