He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
