your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize