I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize