All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
