and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
