like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
