How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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