That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
