went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
