Who wears a wallet chain?!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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