what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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