I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
