Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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