let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
