remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
