I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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