HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
