Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
