omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
