i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
