I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
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