It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
