she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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