just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
